Documents - Aging

• Old age is coming at a really bad time!
• I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!
• I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!
• My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance of idiots that needs work.
• The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
• I talk to myself because sometimes I need expert advice.
• Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud?
• When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment. Now it's like a mini vacation!
• The day the world runs out of wine is just too terrible to think about!
• I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.
• I like my middle finger best because it always sticks up for me!
• I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my kids took it!
• Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound!
• Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!
• Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
• When the kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".
• At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
• Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree, which makes it a plant, which means it's salad....Almost.
• Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap.
• And please, Lord, give me patience and give it to me NOW.

Back to Documents