Documents - Andy Rooney On Sex

When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory.... I don't remember what I chose.
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."
There are only two four letter words that are offensives to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.
Virginity can be cured.
Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.
Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.
Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
Question: What's an Australian kiss? Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.
Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!