This particular year, it was held just the other side of the Umgeni (pronounced Hum-ge-ni) river, in a wetland cleared for the occasion.
Three experienced Indian chefs are selected to be judges and it is considered an honour to be chosen. The 3 judges selected were Chefs Moosa, Patel, and Bobat.
However, tragedy of a very personal nature struck Chef Bobat and the story unfolds as follows:
An inexperienced food critic named Jerry, visiting from America, was lurking nearby when the call came in from Chef Bobat.
Jerry picks up the story from here:
“Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at a Curry Cook-off in Durban. I happened to be standing at the judges table asking for directions to the Beer tent when the call from Chef Bobat came in saying that he had to pull out at the last minute. I was assured by the other two judges that the curries wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me that I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.”
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
Curry No 1 – Shameema's Maniac Monster Tomato Curry | |
| Judge Moosa: | A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. |
| Judge Patel: | Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild. |
| Judge Jerry: | Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your wall with this curry. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst. These people are crazy! |
Curry No 2 – Manjra's BBQ Chicken Curry | |
| Judge Moosa: | Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang. |
| Judge Patel: | Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more chillies to be taken seriously. |
| Judge Jerry: | Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people wanting to give me the Heimlich maneuver! They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. |
Curry No 3 – Nurjehaan's Famous “Burn down the garage” Curry | |
| Judge Moosa: | Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick. |
| Judge Patel: | A bit salty, good use of chillies. |
| Judge Jerry: | Call the paramedics! My nose feels like I have been snorting drain cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now – get me more beer before I ignite. The barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest pushing my ribs apart! I'm getting pissed from all the beer. |
Curry No 4 – Bibi's Three Bean Chilli | |
| Judge Moosa: | Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing. |
| Judge Patel: | Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry. |
| Judge Jerry: | I felt something scraping across my tongue but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Mariam, the beer, uh, barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting to look HOT.... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac? |
Curry No 5 – Leila's “Putting Shame by the Family” Curry | |
| Judge Moosa: | Meaty, strong curry. Chillies freshly ground thereby adding considerable kick. Very impressive. |
| Judge Patel: | Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the chillies make a strong statement. |
| Judge Jerry: | My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her curry had given me brain damage. Mariam saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I am burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them! |
Curry No 6 – Verishnee's Vegetarian Variety | |
| Judge Moosa: | Thin yet bold mixed vegetarian curry. Good balance of spices and chillies. |
| Judge Patel: | The best yet. Aggressive use of chillies, onions, and garlic. Superb. |
| Judge Jerry: | Verily, I am bleeding from my eyes and my intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I am definitely going to poop myself if I fart and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Mariam. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone ice-cream. |
Curry No 7 – Fatima's 'Mother-in-law's Tongue' Curry | |
| Judge Moosa: | A mediocre curry with too much reliance and use of the Birds Eye chilli. |
| Judge Patel: | Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in bucket loads of chillies at the last moment, not allowing the flavours to develop. (I should take note at this stage that I am worried about Judge Jerry. He appears to be in a bit of distress and is cursing uncontrollably). |
| Judge Jerry: | You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost site in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which appears to have slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least they'll know what killed me when performing the autopsy. I've decided to stop breathing – it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll suck it through the 4 inch hole in my stomach. |
Curry No 8 – Naidoo's Mutton “Toenail Curling” Curry | |
| Judge Moosa: | The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. |
| Judge Patel: | This final entry is a good balanced curry. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Jerry farted, passed out, and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself when he fell over. Not sure if he is going to make it. Poor man, I'm wondering how he would have reacted to a really hot curry and all. |
| Judge Jerry: | No report. |