Here are this year's winners:
| Intaxication: | Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. |
| Reintarnation: | Coming back to life as a hillbilly. |
| Bozone (n.): | The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. |
| Cashtration (n.): | The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. |
| Giraffiti: | Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. |
| Sarchasm: | The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. |
| Inoculatte: | To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. |
| Hipatitis: | Terminal coolness. |
| Osteopornosis: | A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) |
| Karmageddon: | It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. |
| Decafalon (n.): | The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. |
| Glibido: | All talk and no action. |
| Arachnoleptic fit (n.): | The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. |
| Beelzebug (n.): | Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. |
| Caterpallor (n.): | The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating. |