Documents - Nursery Crimes

Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.

Jack and Jill Went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there's little Franky.

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept beside her,
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over
and gave her a bone of his own.

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
and turned its wool to nylon

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
said Simple Simon to the Pieman, What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
Pies, you d!ckhead.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
Said F*ck him, He's only an egg.

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, cause he was gay.

Back to Documents