| HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: | |
| She is not a BABE or a CHICK | She is a BREASTED PERSON |
| She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER | She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE. |
| She is not EASY | She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE. |
| She is not DUMB | She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. |
| She has not BEEN AROUND | She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. |
| She is not an AIRHEAD | She is REALITY IMPAIRED. |
| She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY | She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED. |
| She is not HORNY | She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED. |
| She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS | She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED. |
| She does not NAG YOU | She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE. |
| She is not a SLUT | She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED. |
| She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS | She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR. |
| She is not a TWO BIT WHORE | She is a LOW COST PROVIDER. |
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: | |
| He does not have a BEER GUT | He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY. |
| He is not a BAD DANCER | He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN. |
| He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME | He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS. |
| He is not BALDING | He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION. |
| He is not a CRADLE ROBBER | He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS. |
| He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK | He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL. |
| He does not act like a TOTAL ASS | He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION. |
| He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG | He has SWINE EMPATHY. |
| He is not afraid of COMMITMENT | He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED. |