Documents - Conditions of Employment

Beta Systems Basic Conditions of Employment 2005

Sick Days

• We will no longer accept a doctors’ statement as proof of illness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
• Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

Personal Days

• Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Vacation Days

• All employees will take their vacation at the same time each year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan 1, May 1, Jun 16, Aug 9, Sep 24, and Dec 25/26.

Bereavement Leave

• This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives, or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.

Your Own Death

• This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your replacement.

Restroom Use

• Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetic order. For instance, employees whose names begin with ‘A’ will go from 08h00 to 08h20, employees whose names begin with ‘B’ will go from 08h20 to 08h40, and so on.
• If you are unable to go at the allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both employees’ supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.
• In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

Lunch Break

• Skinny people get an hour for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
• Normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal and maintain their average figure.
• Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Dress Code

• It is advisable that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Levi’s, Soviet, Guess, Prada shows and carrying a Gucci bag we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need any increment.

Management

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