Documents - Why Not Offend Everyone

I'd just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.
A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I have not eaten for two days'
I told him 'I wish I had your will power'

I walked past an aboriginal kid apparently begging at a Bus Stop as I came out of the Bank. He looked at me and said 'Any Change' I said 'Nope! You're still Black'

An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.
A man asks What is wrong??
The boy says Me ma is dead
Oh bejaysus the man says ‘Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?’
The boy replies ‘No thanks mister, Sex is the last ting on my moind at the moment’.

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself I'm going to take that.

One lazy Sunday morning,the wife and I were quiet and thoughtful sitting around the breakfast table when I said to her unexpectedly,
"When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff immediately...”
"Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.
"I figure a woman as fine as yourself would eventually remarry and I don't want some other arsehole using my stuff ", I replied.
She looked at me intently and said, "What makes you think I'd marry another arsehole?"

A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home.
1st kid says "A computer".
Teacher replies "That'd be very useful."
2nd kid says "A car" and gets a similar answer.
Little Johnny says " At my house we don't need nothin'."
The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something.
Johnny replies, "no, I'm sure."
"When my sister started going out with a Muslim, I remember my dad saying "Well that's all we bloody well need."

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