| Average Employee: | Not too bright. |
| Exceptionally Well Qualified: | Made No Major Blunders Yet. |
| Active Socially: | Drinks a lot. |
| Family Active Socially: | Spouse drinks, too. |
| Character Above Reproach: | Still one step ahead of the law. |
| Zealous Attitude: | Opinionated. |
| Quick-Thinking: | Offers plausible excuses. |
| Plans For Advancement: | Buys drinks for all the boys. |
| Uses Logic On Difficult Jobs: | Gets someone else to do it. |
| Expresses Themselves Well: | Speaks in full sentences. |
| Meticulous | A nit picker. |
| Good Judgement: | Lucky. |
| Career-Minded: | Back-stabber. |
| Coming Along Well: | About to be let go. |
| Of Great Value To The Organization: | Gets to work on time. |
| Relaxed Attitude: | Sleeps at desk. |
| Work Is First Priority: | Too ugly to get a date. |
| Independent Worker: | Nobody knows what he/she does. |
| Forward Thinking: | Procrastinator. |
| Great Presentation Skills: | Able To Bullshit. |
| Good Communication Skills: | Spends lots of time on phone. |
| Loyal: | Can't get a job anywhere else. |
| Keen Sense Of Humour: | Knows a lot of dirty jokes. |